AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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