I faked an abortion last night.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
