So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
