No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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