Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So vagazzling was a success
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
