Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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