I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
