It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
