wrigley field is MILF paradise
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
