Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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