Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
