Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
