in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
