i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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