I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize