I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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