so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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