please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
