; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
