the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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