you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
