and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
