Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Congratulations! We have a period
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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