My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
