dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
