Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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