At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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