in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
