I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
