i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I forget how to act sober
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
