Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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