I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
