That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
