kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize