You just made me feel so damn special
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
