I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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