I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
