Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can't turn off my feet"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
