tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
