I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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