You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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