NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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