Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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