i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
