We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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