I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
