dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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