just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
