did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
