Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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