So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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