Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
