Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
