I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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