dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
