Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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