I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
