dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
