i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
