I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
