Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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