Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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