Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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