There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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