So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
