this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
