I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
