a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
