I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
