I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
