I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
cat food counts as protein by the way
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
