Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
